Sounding Smart!

Here is a little blog about sounding smart.

As a college coach and "instructor" I get to hear a lot of different people talk everyday. We have meetings, "coffee and conversation" and an overwhelming amount of "all-oc" emails. These different events all involve professionals in education. So here goes.

Now I would like to preface the following rant by saying I am not very smart. I love correcting people and really enjoy acting smart but in actuality, I am just your average genius with a little bit of life experience. :) And by the way, for emphasis, I really do love correcting people.

Earlier this semester we had a new employ join our wonderful little family and, as so many new employees feel the need to do, he had to come address the athletic department. Besides being an inexperienced dork, this gentleman also had a bit of a...how do you say it, feminine side. Now I don't have a problem with that but the guy is 6'4, 400lbs and at first site reminded me of fat Albert, including his lack of confidence. (enough judging) I say all of that to tell you this. He continually referred to our group as "you all!" I don't mean he said it once or twice, this goofy son-of-a-biscuit said it 45 times if he said it once. At what point does the fact that "you" is also plural come into play here. I understand not wanting to say, in the middle of West Texas, "Y'all," because you wouldn't want anyone here to think you were just a normal Texan. But to continually say "you all" in your little feminine, slightly high pitched voice is ridiculous and it DID NOT make him seem smarter!

Now I feel I have to tell you what this guys first form of discipline is going to be in his area. I remind you that like me, Mr. Youall is dealing with 18-21 year old college students in the year 2010. If you haven't had a run-in with this age group lately, you are more blessed then you know. So Senior Youall says that on first offense these young people will recieve a stern lecture from him. Yes, that's right, STERN! And with blank looks on "our all" faces he went on to say that, "I have a special gift of making young people feel really, really guilty!" Yes, you read that reiteration correctly!! Really, REALLY guilty! Oh how I used to embrace this discipline philosophy. It took me back......to a time in grade school.........

fantasy 3rd grade, early 1980's

"Joel, you didn't do your spelling homework?" "No Mrs. Ferguson," with down trodden eyes. "Why not?" "I don't know?" (translation..I am LAZY!) "Well Joel I am really disappointed in you and sad that you didn't do your homework." "I am so sorry Mrs. Ferguson, I feel so guilty! It will never happen again?" and then we settled everything with a hug!
NOT A CHANCE!!!!
real 3rd grade story......"Joel, you didn't do your spelling homework?" "No Mrs. Ferguson" with "oh poop" eyes. "out in the hall Mr. Prickett!" POP-POP-POP "Now you are going to do it during recess." "Yes I am!"

Guilty.....are you kidding me? That would be like a presidential pardon from a death sentence. What a philosophy, and it works with a lot of parents as well these days. I think Oprah teaches it. Or is it Mr. Phil? Dr. Bill? I don't know, the only Dr. that ever got my attention was Dr. RUTH!!!!!!! lol

Next topic....sounding smart!
Have you ever noticed that by simply arranging your words in a different order that you can indeed sound smarter? As well as adding the word "indeed." If your response was, "I didn't know that." Maybe you should try this instead, "I knew that not!" There you go, you immediately sound smarter. I like to think of it as the King James rule with a little hint of Yoda. some examples..

I couldn't find it in the desk. vs In the desk, it could not be found.
I don't know. vs I know not.
I like this burger. vs I like this burger INDEED.
You are doing better. vs (you guessed it)You are doing better INDEED.
You don't need to do that. vs You need not do that.
Do not ask about Kevin's beard. vs Ask not about Kevin's beard.

I had many more examples of this style of faking smart, but they have since left my mind! (oh snap, since is a good word as well.....oh snap, not so much.)

Well, I would love for you to put a few of your "easy smart" tips down for the rest of us.