It seems that I have so much to say that I blog about every six weeks. Wow I am super interesting. Well, It's that time again so here it goes....more random thoughts about life, love and sarcasm. My heroes list is at the bottom.
I have realized that over the past few months that people heal and hurt at different rates and levels. I once thought of myself as a pretty tough guy even though everyone around me knows I am a big titty....i mean teddy bear...especially the hairy part. (Genetics, so don't give me the whole "gag" sound because I have hair on my back. It's not like I ordered it or something. It's different then having a bad hair cut or wearing a hideous sweater or over-doing your make-up. It's the way the big guy made me so back off!)
Anyway, back to the healing and hurting. I had an epiphany of sorts when a person recently said how bad they felt that I was hurting. They had hurt and started the "healing" process already but me, I was a little behind. I realized that crying when your hurting emotionally isn't a sign of weakness but a sign that you loved someone enough, and in the right way that it hurts. (not talking about the regret crying here.) And that sometimes the fear we feel when we lose someone, relationship or death, comes from the fact that they loved us in such a great way that we fear we may never feel that love again. I know this is not some super revelation for all of you but for me it is.
Over the past 24 months I have lost many people to one of the above reasons. And at times I find myself struggling with that loss. Relationships end, even really good ones because they just aren't what God has in store for you. I have had people I love move on to better things and I myself move on...or try to. I have lost several great friends and uncles to death and the one thing that I have come to learn through all of this loss is this.....Love never ever dies! Again, a revelation to me.
The love my mom and dad had for me still lives in me and through me. The love Leon and Uncle Jimmie and Lenora had for me still brings me warmth. My mom has been watching over me from above now for some 18 years and my daddy 20. And still to this day I can see my mom's smile and hear her laugh. I feel her joy and love for life and the courage she had as she battled with cancer. I can still smell my dad and see his eyes and his sexy tighty-whitey's. I feel his stubborn, loving, sometimes illogical ways everyday...especially when I talk to my brother. I just think it's amazing that real LOVE will never die.
My first love was a girl named AnnA. Great girl and really smart, that's probably the reason she kicked me to the curb. But we both realized that maybe we weren't meant for each other, but it didn't take anything away from the love we felt, and still feel, for each other. I guess the slap-you-in-the-face obvious point is the fact the GOD is LOVE. Period. And God never ever dies! Hallelujah!
Moving on......
I have always tried to see my life as a book, an auto-biography if you will. Now I realize that is probably a little self-centered, but I am a really self-centered person so it would stand to reason then I guess. The title of my book will be Gerald Slickett the over comer. Forward by Dick-cheezee.
For the few of you that read this blog don't for a second think that I feel my life is hard, or ever really has been hard. I honestly feel like that is what ever persons auto biography could be titled, minus the Gerald Slickett and Dick-cheezee. Isn't that what life is all about? We are faced with challenges and we either overcome them, or they overtake us. So my book would began....
Chapter 1 The 2nd most perfect baby was born on the 2nd day after Christmas. (coincidence?)
Chapter 2 My first true love....Jackie (a pig)
Chapter 3 Living through itchy, slightly snug shirts and worn out shoes.
Chapter 4 Lessons in finance...a family legacy.
Chapter 5 Christmas surprises! or My brother the nerd! (unbutton that button)
Chapter 6 Chicken and Dumplings...it's not your fault.
Chapter 7 Dealing with death
Chapter 8 A lot of people go to college for 7 years....
Chapter 9 My Passion begins!
Chapter 10 The Chris and Joel experiment...give me a bottle....
Chapter 11 Finding the one true Peace...
The book is still going but you get the idea.
After my mom and dad died I remember telling Kevin to look at life like your book and let this chapter be the part where people say, "wow, he overcame so much." I often forget how tough that time was on Kevin. He was so young and such a puss already. I told him once, though I doubt he remembers, that he could be as big a foul up as he wanted and people would forgive him because, "his parents died when he was so young." or he could be an amazing over comer. He may have slipped like the rest of us along the way but Brotha...I think you are an amazing over comer...and a pretty cool nerd now!
Since I am certain that you have stopped reading this by now I would like to give a quick shout to my heroes...
Carol Elizabeth Prickett, my moms as the brotha's say. She was it and if you knew her you know what I am saying.
Bobbie Joe, daddy. The belt would sting on occasion but you were the toughest man I have ever known.
Sheila for taking care of our family. You are amazing!
Michelle I don't give enough credit and we don't always see eye to eye but you are a great lady with a great work ethic.
Tracy for fighting and loving and mom-ing and forgiving and helping save my brother from a life of white-trash.
Stacy Edgar- my childhood hero and still one of the most influential people in my life, and he doesn't even know it. If he called and said "lets do this" i would be there tonight. You will always be my Danny White and I....I will always be your Drew Person! I have always wanted to make you proud.
Bruce Speegle- for giving me advice, loving me for me, and being the one man I know that can't wait to see me again. I love you!
Matt Ritchie for all the unselfish, giving, loving things you have done for the past 25 years.
President Obama, you too are an amazing man. lol Okay that was just a lie....but if he understands anything it is lying!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow, Joel! First of all, welcome back to the world of blogging...we've missed you! Secondly, I think that just might be your best post yet! Thirdly, where have you been?! (You're almost as bad as Kevin for not reading/commenting on everything I write!)
ReplyDeleteI think about your parents often. I SO wish I could have met them, and I wonder what they would have thought about me. I hope that we make them proud...
You succeeded in making me tear up a bit...I hope you're happy.
I love you, Joel...you're the GREATEST!
Seriously...I will have to read it again to take it all in. I love you and I am so glad you are willing to put in words what others only think and ponder (except for the Dick-cheezee part - nobody thinks or ponders that but you and Kevin!!)
ReplyDeleteSeveral passages really jump out at me. Specifically, "I often forget how tough that time was on Kevin. He was so young and such a puss already." I almost cried as I rolled on the floor. Also, the part about Dad's smell. Of all the things that I remember and use to describe Dad, it is his smell that is the strongest. Honest sweat, mechanic's grease, whatever he had cooked that day and Right Guard. The night he died I slept with one of his dirty, pearl-snap shirts to smell him. Sorry to get so sappy, but you started it.
Just so you know it is really me, I wanted to make sure you understand just how important grammar check is. Punctuation is your friend. "Let's eat Gramma" is definitely different from "Let's eat, Gramma" Just saying. (And you misspelled your sister's name, ;-)
Love you so much...as Tracy said, you are the Greatest.
Sheila
I don't even know what to say. I haven't shed tears in a long time but that did it. I wish I could remember more about Mom and Dad but I can't and that is the saddest part. Your memories help me remember and bring up things that I had almost forgot. I remember dad smelling like Brut, wearing those stretchy denim pants, and full quill ostrich boots. I remember Mom always smelling of some perfume and being the most important person in my life.(which is why I was such a puss). I just smelled something today that reminded me of grandaddy Les's house, specifically his kitchen. The smell of natural gas and biscuits and sausage. It's amazing that a certain smell can be embedded in your memory from when you were 7 years old and still bring back those memories today. Keep writing anything you can think of, I love it.
ReplyDeleteWord to yo mutha, K-PeeZee